Losing
by baxter21
Summary: What happens after Sam get's his soul back. Sam is stuck in his mind a plaything for an imaginary Lucifer. Bobby and Dean desperately need help but Bobby finds some disturbing news. The only way to help Sam and stop Lucifer from rising again is to go inside Sam's mind and piece together the tattered remains of his psyche. first fan fiction so please review thanks! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural or any of the characters involved in the show.**

**A/N: I thought of this after watching season 7 (I know I'm a little behind on the show) I didn't think they handled the whole Sam/Lucifer mental health thing very well so I decided to create this. Tell me what you .**

****Chapter 1

The sun was just beginning to set over the hills of Tennessee. Dean slammed the trunk shut and pulled three beers out. He tossed one to Sam who caught and began to drink it eagerly. He passed another to bobby who was patting down some lose dirt in a fresh grave. "So how long do you think it'll be before they surface again?" Sam asked placing the bottle and watched as the sun turned the sky a tainted orange. "Hard to say but when they do we'll be ready" dean said gulping down a few mouthfuls of beer. "What do you think bobby…bobby?" Sam called. He looked over to find bobby spread eagle in a pool of blood. "Dean…what hap..." Sam began before turning to his brother. Dean had changed his face was bloody and beaten scars issued fresh blood across his face. "GO TO HELL SAM" He shouted before he morphed into Lucifer. He laughed it echoed making it last an eternity.

He awoke drenched in sweat. He blinked trying to clear his mind of the dream. He looked around in the unfamiliar room. It was filled with baby things. A blonde woman walked through the door. "Mom" he whispered. She bent down into the crib and cooed" hey little Sammy time for you to wake up now" he looked behind just as Lucifer plunged the knife into her heart. "Yeah Sammy it's time to wake up".


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter two! Please review.**

chapter 2-

"Quick get him in the panic room" Bobby said as they carried Sam over the threshold. Sam's face once contorted with pain and fear was now relaxed into an almost sleep like look. They laid him on the bed and stepped out sealing the door as they did. Once in the safety of Bobby's study dean turned to bobby and said" Bobby what the hell is wrong with him" his voice quivered as he looked at the situation that lay ahead of them. "Long story or short" Bobby asked dean.

"Short" he said running a hand over the rough stubble on his face.

"Your brothers a crazy bastard" Bobby said.

"Bobby!"

"Sorry, But I got no idea what's going on with him"

"Then what the hell do we do?"

"I'll do some digging see if anything like this has ever happened before" they exchanged solemn glances before separating. Bobby going behind his desk and dean down to the room that contained what was left of Sam.

Sam was running. Thorns caught his skin and clothes drawing blood and making holes. He didn't care all that mattered was that he ran. And fast. He leant against a tree catching his breath before listening intently for any slight noise that would give his attacker away. His breathing slowed as the natural sound of the forest took over again. Up ahead he saw a house desperate for somewhere to rest he ran towards it. He stopped when he heard the familiar laugh. Lucifer stood behind him. Grinning he mocked Sam "Did you really think that it was going to be easy. What your pulled out of my pit and put back in the real world come on Sam I thought you were smart" he laughed as Sam whipped his head around as slowly the forest faded to black he looked down on his body to find it burning. It burnt white-hot stinging his eyes. His skin cracked and peeled he fell alive as the fire slowly burned away his body. Soon when he was nothing but a burnt carcass he heard Lucifer cackle "Again…Again".

Dean sat on a stool as he watched Sam's face contort with fear and pain "c'mon Sammy snap out of it " he begged, pleaded with his brother to wake up to open his eyes and be OK again. It was childish and stupid but he eagerly looked when he felt Sam move only to discover that Sam was writhing in pain. "Sammy" he cried tears forming behind his eyes and yet he still didn't cry knowing that if he started it would be hard to find a reason to stop. Meanwhile in Bobby's study he put down a heavy leather-bound book and said "Balls!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: chapter 3 is here! It's amazing how many people read it in such a short space of time! Could do with some reviews hint hint ;)**

chapter 3-

"Dean!" yelled Bobby. Within seconds Dean had sprinted up the stairs to find Bobby pacing back and forth in his study. "What have you found a way to help Sam?" Dean asked desperately.

"Dean this is bigger than Sam "Bobby said.

"What do you me…"dean started.

"Lucifer is still alive inside Sam's head"

"Yeah so what I don't see how this helps"

"Lucifer is still alive but trapped in the cage. The link between Sam and Lucifer is dangerous. If Sam wanted to he could free Lucifer from the cage without breaking any seals"

"So the Lucifer in Sam's head"

"Is gonna free the Lucifer in the cage"

"So what do we do to stop that and save Sam?"

"This book has a few ideas none you'd want to hear though"

"Why?"

"They suggest killing the link full stop"

"Killing Sam" dean uttered defeated. The words his father left with him rung in his hears. Protect Sam or kill him," there has to be another way"

"There isn't I've looked"

"WELL LOOK AGAIN!"

"Dean I'm sorry I love Sam like a son but we have to consider…"

"Consider what! That I might have to kill my brother the only blood family I have left on this earth?"

"I'll keep looking but Dean..."

"You try to hurt him and you know I'll kill you"

"I know" Dean stormed out and went to his happy place. For dean that was his car. He sat in the back seats and looked where he and Sam had carved their names into the car. He ran his hands over it tracing the words casting his mind back to when his dad was alive. He breathed deeply for a few minutes before he heard his name being called. It was Bobby. "Dean!" He called as he walked out clutching a book. "What Bobby" dean asked sighing as he stepped out of his car and onto the dusty ground. "I found another way" Dean felt relief wash over him but still there was still a nagging reminder of his late father's last words _protect him or kill him_. "What is it Bobby"

"How'd you feel getting inside your brothers head?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Chapter 4! tell me what you guys liked or disliked so I can fix it.**

Chapter 4**-**

He lay on a bed. Unable to move. Unable to speak. Sam strained his eyes to see what was coming towards him Lucifer's voice boomed around "And Now ladies and gentlemen we bring our super special surprise guest star Mary Winchester!" slowly the lights began to flicker on and she became visible. "Mom?" he whispered as he took in her image.

"My dear little Sammy", she cooed lovingly before turning sour, "If I knew what a plague you'd be I would have drowned you at birth"

"No…Mom please"

"You're the reason I died. I died helping you live your pathetic life." She said her face contorting into a sickening leer. A figure stepped out of the shadows. It was dean only more smooth and pale like a waxwork figure. "Dean…I" Sam stuttered

"We were happy without you. When you were dragged into hell I rejoiced at being set free from my duty to protect you. You should have never come back Sam". Sam struggled against the invisible bounds that held him in place as the two carried on their tirade of pure hatred. Suddenly Lucifer emerged and stood next them. "Hello Sammy boy you're the reason I walked free and you're the reason I'll walk free again" He descended once again into his hysterical laugh. The other two joined in cawing like a pack of crows as they stood over him.

Bobby and Dean stood before Sam who was struggling against the strong bonds that held him in place. "You sure you wanna do this Dean" Bobby asked

"Yes Bobby look at him he's gonna die if he keeps this up I have to try" Dean said defiantly. They each began adding a selection of ingredients including dean and Sam's blood. Bobby lit a match and said "Last chance to back out now" when dean said nothing he threw it into the bowl. It began smoking heavily preformatting a horrid acidic like smell. "Say this and you should wake up there" Bobby said handing dean a piece of paper. "Sanguinem sanguis sanguini sanguinem clamavi ad te veniam ad te vocas sanguis sanguine" Dean Lay down and closed his eyes and descended into chaos.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here it is chapter 5! Enjoy!**

chapter 5-

He opened his eyes. He was in a sterile white room that reeked of bleach. He rubbed his head wincing as he brushed a bruise that had formed. He studied the room more closely he'd seen this somewhere else before. But where? Behind him the door opened and clicked shut as the person walked slowly towards him. "Dean" he recognized that voice as a friend he was sure was lost forever. He turned to see Castiel, dressed in his tan trench coat. "Cas what the hell are you doing here last time I saw you, you were calling yourself god"

"That was Cas outside of Sam's mind here I'm the way Sam remembers me" He explained his face not once showing emotion. "So if you're here where's Sam?" Dean asked

"Sam doesn't live in his mind the element that make up Sam's mind have splintered manifesting him into countless dream worlds trapping him in a loop. If you want to save your brother and prevent the rising of Lucifer you have to track down each part of Sam and piece them back together"

"And if I don't" dean asked instantly wishing he hadn't

"Then Lucifer rises, Again and the apocalypse happens again except with you and Sam trapped here…forever"

"So just another day at the office then" Dean muttered darkly, "ok but where's the original piece they splintered from?"

"At the end with Lucifer"

"Should have guessed ok what parts here?"

"Don't know but the real question is where we are"

"You don't know"

"I'm just a memory dean I have no control over what happens if Sam wanted to I could be erased just like that" he clicked his fingers to emphasize his point.

"Great" he continued his examination of the room. "I know where we are" he said finally as the door opened again and a nurse walked through carrying a tray of medication. Dean looked and saw Castiel had gone disappeared into thin air. "Come on dean time for your pills" she said in a sickly sweet voice. He looked at her name tag and confirmed what he suspected. They were inside Glenwood springs .A psychiatric unit.

Dean stepped out onto the hallway and walked ahead knowing without thinking where Sam would be. He stopped and stood on the thresh hold between the hallway and the rec room. He watched as he and Sam walked over to martin, a retired hunter, he watched and cast his mind back to this moment. He played it out in his head as he watched himself and Sam talk to Martin. He looked around the room and saw another Sam watching as well. He looked over and made eye contact with Dean. They stared for a few moments before he walked and stood next to Dean. As they watched the room slowly faded away and melted into black. "Who are you" Dean asked.

"I'm the part of Sam that remembers…everything" the room slowly formed into another and they were stood in the middle of a crowd of people. They watched silently as Another Sam danced with his girlfriends. Jessica. As the song ended Sam pulled Jessica in for a kiss. They broke apart and stared into each other's eyes. He looked around the room but it had changed he saw Sam again but in his house he lived in with jess. He watched as he lay on his bed. He watched as he saw jess burn. "Dean take this" Castiel said behind Dean. He had grown so used it to it he barely flinched as his appeared suddenly. He felt something being thrust into his hand. He looked down it was a necklace. "I don't know how" The Sam who controlled everything walked over. He pulled the amulet on and suddenly was absorbed into the gem in the center. "They have to touch the amulet once they do they're sent back to the original piece of Sam". As soon as he had finished the world faded to black and dean found himself once again slumped into unconsciousness


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: well here is chapter 7. Hope you enjoy and please give me some feedback! ;)**

In a flash of light Sam disappeared into the amulet clutched in Dean's hand. "Two down" He said looking at Castiel who was staring intently at the stars. "Indeed" he said without turning around. "Who's left we have the memories the will power ones which ones the final one" Dean asked hope rising in his chest _we CAN do this! _"this is not good" Castiel said turning away from the stars to face dean who felt the bubble of hope burst as quickly as it had rose. "What, what is it?" he asked.

"The final piece of Sam's mind is the one who wanted Lucifer to join with him"

"What! You can't be serious Sam didn't want Lucifer to join with him"

"Not on the surface but deep down he wanted it to be over and that is now a key part of Sam's mind"

"Where is it" Dean asked finally after an uneasy silence passed over them.

"I think we're about to find out"

When the world returned to normal and the pounding in deans head had subsided they found themselves in a motel room. There was one bed meticulously made on which dean sat down and rubbed his head. "Why is it every time we go somewhere else my head feels it is stuck in a vice with Charles Manson at the controls"

"Sam's mind is becoming increasingly volatile If we don't act fast his mind will be too volatile and you'll most likely die"

"No need to sugar coat it then"

"Oh I'm sorry I'm sure everything will be fine" Castiel revised.

"Whatever" Dean sighed. When the worst of the pain had gone he stood up and looked around. The room was bare with only a few of the more basic motel essentials (Phone table sink etc.). A car pulled into the drive and switched of the lights. Keys rattled themselves into the lock and the door swung open to reveal Sam covered by shadows standing in the door way "Dean I warned you not to look for me" he said still hiding on the thresh hold. Thunder clapped and the sky unleashed heavy rain fall. "Well since its Christmas I decided to come by for a visit" Dean said cocking his head. Sam stepped into the light. Dean studied his brother but stopped and stared in horror when he reached his eyes. They were black. Sam was a demon now.

"What happened to you Sammy" Dean asked edging his hand closer to his pocket were concealed within was his knife. "Drunk as much demon blood as I could lay my hands on. He's coming dean and when he does this time I plan on enjoying the ride" Sam said his face twisted into an evil leer.

"And what would happen if I stopped Lucifer" Dean asked his hand literally resting on the handle.

"Well I don't see you living that far ahead" Sam raised his hands and dean flew with a force and landed against a wall. He struggled against the old that Sam had over him. "Silly little Dean you thought what you'd come in here and get me to touch that amulet and everything would be ok?" Sam laughed, "Sorry to disappoint but I guess this is where you get off" He raised his hand and suddenly dean felt pressure build within him. He looked and saw his hands were bubbling away/. He was going to explode. He was going to die. "You'll die Lucifer will rise and there's no one with the power to stop me now" He laughed again. Dean relaxed and smiled "I'd turn around and test your little theory" Sam turned and began to speak but Castiel clamped his hand over his head. His eyes burned white and he slumped to the floor. Dead. Dean fell to the floor. Once securely back on his feet he turned to Castiel who was bent over him with the amulet in hand. He pressed it to his hand and the watched as he was absorbed into the gem. "That's it now all we gotta do is get Sam wherever he is".

Sam was running. He didn't care where all that mattered was that he ran. He pushed into the woods. He ran through it. Thorns caught his skin and clothes drawing blood. He pushed through a bush and fell onto a linoleum floor. He stood up and turned to go back but the forest was gone in its place a long winding corridor. He heard a cackle echoing through the hallway. He turned and ran deeper into the twisting maze of darkened hallways. He stopped at a dead end. He stared at the white wall that was part illuminated with unnatural light that came from the overhead light. Exhausted he turned and slumped on the floor. He looked up and saw her. Jess. "Sammy" she whispered taking his head in her hands. "Jess" he said breathlessly,

"Sammy you can't keep running he'll find you"

"What can I do he'll find me either way"

"End it Sammy. End it and we can be together forever"

"OK"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well here it is the final chapter to Losing. Sorry for the delay I just got stuck on how to finish it. Hope you enjoy reading!**

Chapter 7-

She twirled and twirled, her blonde hair whipped around. From a distance she looked as though she was shimmering. He watched transfixed as she spun around. Smoke billowed from her. he watched in horror unable to move...to speak or cry out in warning as she burst into flames never once losing balance she spun as the flames licked at her body, singing flesh. Within minutes she was all ablaze as she burnt she turned. She looked at him through the flames and said "you did this Sam". With one shriek she slumped to the floor a burned dead carcass. "Please...Please stop" he begged.

"No No Sammy boy can't do that yet you see" Lucifer said his smug face appearing out of the gloom.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Punishment my dear Sammy. You see you let me out of hell and then you put me back in so I gotta keep creative in your torture don't I" he said before cackling as he watched as Sam watched helplessly as Jess began to twirl once more.

"So where is Sam" Dean asked impatient as they stood in an unfamiliar street in an unfamiliar dream world. "He could be anywhere in any time period maybe if you tried to think of somewhere special somewhere that meant somewhere to him somewhere linked to this" Castiel said not looking at dean but instead focusing intently ahead, his gravelly voice soft yet devoid of feeling. "I know" Dean said His mind suddenly becoming clear. Within moments the world melted away into blackness. After the first few minutes of mind splitting horrible pain dean focused and stared at the large house that stood out within an empty neighborhood. "Where is this place" Castiel asked studying the house also but with a cold professionalism like that of a doctor or a nurse dean however looked at the house fondly. "Huh...what" dean asked snapping from his day dream.

"I asked where we are" Castiel said this time looking directly at Dean. Dean's skin crawled as once again he got the eerie feeling that Cas was scanning him with laser like precision.

"Home"

"Sam...baby" a woman voice whispered lovingly. she stroked back a few lose hairs and tenderly stroked his face. "Jess I'm sorry...Baby I never meant for you to..."

"Hey shh" she soothed," It's ok but you know what you have to do"

"what"

"Then we could be together forever" she whispered before kissing him and placing a cold steel gun into his hand.

"WELL, sorry to break up a party" Dean yelled as he opened the door to find Sam sat on a wooden chair and something that looked like jess kissing him.

"Dean...so glad of you to join us" another voice called from the stairs.

"Lucifer Pity your just a dream why don't you go hide in some kids wardrobe while the living folk talk would'ya" Dean replied. Lucifer merely laughed and sent dean crashing into the door. Lucifer appeared in front of dean chuckling softly "poor dean always the comedian never did take the time to learn the truth" he said

"what do you mean learn the truth" dean asked momentarily confused.

"You see to Sam we're just dreams merely ghosts of past enemy or lover but to you and that pathetic angel we are real I could kill you right you now if I wanted but I got something bigger planned for you" he punched dean who flew across the room hitting some wooden furniture and slumping unconscious.

Dean woke to find his hands bound tightly behind his back. He looked around and found himself to be locked inside an unfamiliar room in their house. There was just one door that leads to where, he assumed, Sam was there was also a window that he also assumed Sam could neither see nor hear form. He looked through and saws Sam with his head in his hands. "Well look who finally decided to wake up" Lucifer said. "I swear to god when I get out of here I will..."

"what? kill me? doesn't matter you can kill me it won't change a thing now let's watch" he said. Dean watched in horror as he saw Sam watching jess and their mom and dad burn. when the stage had descended to black he saw jess again except it wasn't her something was off about her. her skin was too smooth her eyes didn't look alive. "Amazing isn't it what a few simple digs around a man's psyche can unearth" Lucifer said a hint of bragging within his voice. Dean continued to watch as the not-jess jess hugged Sam and passed him something. He looked closer and saw it was a gun. "Here it comes the big dramatic scene" Lucifer said anticipation rising in his body.

"I don't think so" A gravelly voice said behind them he manages to turn just before Castiel pressed his hand against the sign written in blood on the wall. "Does that even work here" Dean asked as Castiel began to untie his hands. "Not for definite" he replied

"So if it failed..."

"I would have died"

"Where did it send him?"

"Don't know which means we don't know how much time we have left so hurry"

They burst through the door concealing Sam in the next room. he whipped his head around before slumping down further. "you're not real" he said before pointing the gun at his temple.

"Whoa ok calm down...Put the gun down" Dean said. reluctantly Sam followed his orders; "I think you need to..." he was cut off by Lucifer's loud laughing invading the air around them.

"Hurry dean we don't have much..." Lucifer appeared before them laughing.

"Well that was a hoot and a half wasn't it fellas" he said. Dean pulled the amulet from his pocket and made for Sam " I don't think so you naughty little rascal" Lucifer said before flinging dean across the room the amulet flying from his hands and landing in front of Sam. Sam held his head, voices flying all around the room. he stumbled and fell before the amulet. he looked into the smoky white gem. He reached out and touched it. A blinding white light filled the room as a smoke like substance passed into same "Crap" Lucifer said before vanishing from sight. Sam sat on the floor as memories and emotions cycled through him at top speed. He blinked and found himself inside bobby's panic room. Dean sat up next to him massaging his temples. Awake. They looked at each other and knew. They were back in reality.

"So you went through all this trouble for me" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Of course you eejit" Bobby said handing him a beer from the fridge.

"Don't matter just as long as it's over" Dean said stretching out and taking a large gulp of his own beer.

"Except it's not"

"what"

"It's not over. We may have managed to piece whatever was broken but he's still there I can feel him inside of me this is far from over"

"And whatever happens we'll deal with it". The TV which had been playing in the background now blared as a breaking news report came onto screen. "Horror today as local governor Michelle walker was brutally murdered. The police have released tis footage of the suspect and have warned public do not approach this man he is believed to be armed and extremely dangerous" Footage of Castiel came blaring onto the screen. He looked up and smiled a cruel evil smile. "Ready" said dean turning to Sam.

"Always".


End file.
